Don’t SHOULD all over yourself: Why my phone wasn’t the only thing in the toilet this week
During our visit to see friends in Long Island this weekend, my loyal assistant and work vehicle “the Iphone” took a dip in the potty at Jason’s Vineyard. Turns out, phones don’t love water. RIP my buddy.
Why do I mention this? Reflecting back, the incident seemed to match my inner mood as of late.
My thoughts have been in the pooper this past week. My energy. My mental clarity. My “ju ju.” Whatever you want to call it, it was in the tank. And it was starting to show up in my daily life. And it started to get me “into my head”: not a good place for Bri.
I started to overanalyze. Should I share what’s going on with me? Should I show my “poopiness?” Let it all out? I’m a success coach and mentor for women. Shouldn’t my posts be sparkly and inspiring and full of joy? Isn’t that how I help people best? Can I be real without being a huge buzzkill to my peeps?
I felt conflicted. I couldn’t decide what was “right.” So I retreated. I became silent. I then felt poopy + then guilty about my quietness, my lack of zest, my retreat from the social media playground.
See the thing is, I LOVE serving people. Connecting. Sharing. Helping. Teaching. Empowering. Lifting other women up to see their inner purpose and badassery. That’s how I glow. How I find joy. It’s truly selfish, really.
It makes me SO flipping happy and I plan on doing a lot more of it in my lifetime.
So my heart slightly breaks when I feel like I can’t serve or teach you. And yesterday, I realized: “EW. I’ve been SHOULDING all over myself. And it’s the pits. And I think I’d like to be done.”
And then I started to get fired up thinking about WHY we as women tend to SHOULD all over ourselves? In our personal lives, careers, with our kids, our relationships, our households.
Why? Why are we so damn hard on ourselves, mamas?
And then, like a sign from the Universe, this quote from one of my favorite coaches came across my screen: “Motion is better than stasis. When you take action, you learn, you build skills, you get freer. When you stay still because you’re afraid to make a move, your self-worth wanes, your doubts fester and breed more doubts, your courage atrophies. Suit up and head out. “
So here I am. Suited up and raw + real here for you to see.
We can’t do this thing wrong, ladies. There is NO PERFECT. No should do’s. No have to’s. No guilting ourselves into what we SHOULD feel or SHOULD be doing or SHOULD be completing.
YES focus on the gratitude, the love, come back to your dreams, the good stuff of life.
But allow things to be messy. Imperfect. Flawed. Know there will be “shadows with the light” as my brilliant friend Trish calls it, and that that is PERFECT.
Just allow yourself to BE in the moment. Be REAL. And by being YOU + imperfect + flawed + beautiful + messy, we give permission for other women to do the same.